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Gillian Anderson

by Edward Lasher

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1.
27 04:49
All these college textbooks. All this scrap paper. All these cover letter drafts left on the floor. All these chicken scratch notes I wrote that I can't even read. This is the bedroom I used to never sleep in, just a place to store the shit I didn't need. Just a place I used to go when I had to bleed. And all of this means less than academic papers. Photocopied Derrida passages. And deconstructionism isn't really all that different from destruction. They both leave left over pieces, all of this scrap paper on the floor. My God, I tried, but I don't know what it means to be twenty-seven. I just want to be used by someone. After coming back home, after broken bottles, after sleeping on a bike path down the street, I decided on a pantomime of someone who's okay. It had kind of worked once, back when I was wearing long-sleeved oxfords in the summer every day. Back when I was so alone, back when I was far away. And all of this means less than academic papers. Dogeared Bakhtin on the epic and the novel. And I'm not sure if there is really anything new to be said that's still worth saying. It might all be useless fragments scribbled on scrap paper.
2.
Storm Chaser 03:05
I don’t see anything wrong I don’t see anything, I don’t see anything What a burden I’ve become And I followed like a And I followed like a storm chaser Follows the trail of destruction All our promises were kept All our promises were kept unspoken And I watched myself become broken And I walked downstairs to And I walked downstairs to the garage The floor was stained orange from cast iron and rain It suddenly got dark It suddenly got darker outside I could smell the petrichor and hear the hurricane
3.
There are a lot of things I don’t properly understand Sometimes I feel like a motherless child Sometimes I feel like a stillborn fawn spilled over the duff Left in the unforgiving wild Now I am roughly the age that my father was when I was born Maybe he should have known better Earlier the radio played that George Jones song about holding on And the man who had to die to forget her And I almost had to pull over And suddenly I forgot how to get home
4.
Fern 03:18
I’d assumed that we’d become a fern Basic and ancient and wild growing But in the end it’s not worth knowing Whether nothing ever happens Or it happens too slow. I’m aware that this is fucked up. The garden is overgrown with weeds And covered in ferns and dead tree branches. Whatever may have happened here, it’s home. Baby, when the winter comes, it snows. Maybe when the winter comes the frozen roads will break. Baby, when the winter comes. In this moment I’ve stopped growing. My roots are torn out and I’m blowing away. Baby, when the winter comes Baby, when the winter comes I’ll go.
5.
Dead Eagle 03:49
When the reservoir overflows Water lands on the hot plate. I’m still waiting for the Vyvanse to kick in The ceiling resonates with sounds of upstairs neighbors getting ready for work. Through the window, a car door, an ignition. Rainwater rolls downhill and empties into the storm drain. An empty DART bus softly idles in the park-and-ride, warming up her engine. An eagle lays along the fog line on the interstate, a dirty crumbled up umbrella trembling feathers, frayed tendons. Little rhinestone pieces of somebody’s windshield sparkle in the dawn light. Dragonflies bang their heads thinking that it’s water. How unshakable the stomach of a scavenger. How pliable the guardrail. How absurd and precious the morning air feels.
6.
Why are you shaking? We’ll bury this problem in the great backyard. When no one’s watching I’ll scatter grass seed over the scar. I’ll light a fire And we’ll burn the records and drown the ash. I’ll boil the lye, and I will make soap. Wash away our tracks. Everything we rinse away or burn Or hide beneath our feet We will forget about in time And all the unrelenting noises Will be children laughing Music playing, our own voices Full of sound and fury Signifying nothing. We’ll keep our secrets All of our shames wrapped in blankets and dirt And we’ll keep on going Over our story till it sounds unrehearsed.

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released February 11, 2017

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Edward Lasher Delaware

In a broad sense, Edward Lasher makes folk music.

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